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In This Issue: One Of Our 50 Is Missing
A good two decades after its launch, the One of Our Fifty Is Missing humor column remains the magazine's most popular recurring department. Managing editor Walter K. Lopez produces the column, drawing on the 30-to-50 submissions we typically receive each month from our Web and magazine readers. To submit your anecdotes, e-mail Lopez at fifty@nmmagazine.com.
PASTORAL PATIENCE:
When Pastor Frank Ramirez, who heads the Everett Church of the Brethren in Everett, Pennsylvania, recently announced to his congregation that he would be vacationing for a week in Silver City, little did he expect the sermons he would get in return.
Ramirez, a native Californian who spent much of his childhood in Silver City and considers it home, says that one parishioner immediately suggested that he “take along a Spanish dictionary, and be careful and take your own water.”
Ramirez calmed his fears, pointing out that New Mexico is part of the United States and that the water tastes just fine. Another church member then chimed in: “I had an uncle who had gone to a resort down there and never had to use Spanish. Everyone down there speaks English.”
“I smiled and agreed I’d probably be able to find lots of English speakers in Silver City,” Ramirez says. “Thank heavens I didn’t tell them about Silver City’s other name: San Vicente de la Cienega!”
SOUND-OFF:
Susan M. Schneider, of Los Lunas, says that when she enlisted in the U.S. Air Force in the mid-1980s, she was following her family’s long tradition of military service. But after settling into the daily routine of basic training in San Antonio, Texas, she experienced an incident during an evening mail call that she’ll never forget.
While distributing the mail, the squadron’s technical instructor got a puzzled look on his face when he called out: “Schneider.” Then he said, “How in the hell were you allowed to join the Air Force if you’re from New Mexico? Did they let you join with a green card?”
Schneider says she was equally surprised. “After I picked my jaw up off of the floor and stood at attention, and after quite carefully formulating my reply—or so I thought—all I could muster was, ‘Sir, have you looked at a map of the United States lately? New Mexico is definitely a part of America, as far as I know.’”
Schneider says she knew she was in trouble as soon as the words left her mouth. The instructor quickly informed the squadron that Schneider was the new Latrine Queen. “And,” he continued, “be sure and treat her with respect, because she must also be some kind of geographical genius.”
NO SILVER LINING:
Dr. Lynda Aiman-Smith, a professor at North Carolina State University in Raleigh, North Carolina, who meets regularly with local high-tech corporations to conduct research, says she recently came upon an awkward situation when setting up a series of conference calls with the executive of a software firm.
“As the executive assistant and I were looking at calendars, I mentioned that I would be doing some of the calls from Silver City, New Mexico, where I have a house and spend the summer,” Aiman-Smith says.
The assistant’s reply was not what Aiman-Smith expected. “Oh, well then, let me give you an international call-in number.”
Aiman-Smith quickly assured him that she didn’t need an international number: “I’ll be calling from New Mexico.”
After a pause, he said, “What is ‘new’ about Mexico?”
Aiman-Smith politely explained that Silver City is in the state of New Mexico. “We got it figured out,” she says.
